How The Matrix is like Eating Disorder Recovery

“The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the wool that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Neo: What truth?

Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.” 

― Morpheus The Matrix

I watched The Matrix in its entirety for the first time (that I can remember) this weekend. So much of it reminded me of the push and pull between the Eating Disorder Self and the Healthy Self.  In so many ways, the Eating Disorder Self draws its energy supply from the ego and the Healthy self is fueled by the soul.  The Matrix reminds me of all the ego driven values: wealth, thinness, achievements, etc.  Whereas my recovery was about learning to sift out the bullshit, distractions, and hollow promises so that I could turn my attention inward and give my soul the much needed attention it deserved. 

When one is in their eating disorder they are operating from an ego state. Everything is superficial. That's not to imply that those with Eating Disorders are shallow; actually, most people I have met who have had an eating disorder are the most sensitive, deep, and intricately woven beings I have ever met.  In fact, reverting to this ego state is a sort of coping mechanism for survival in a family, and on an even larger scale, society, that isn't always compatible with these kinds of traits. Keeping one's focus on calories, pounds, miles ran, etc is a very base level, superficial focus. This focus is often easier to face than addressing the state of one's soul. 

When one is in their Ego state, they are living in the matrix, bound by the rules and powers that be, without any awareness of the TRUTH, one's beauty, uniqueness and value. There is fear, dogma, indoctrination and repetition that keeps one blinded and trapped in the matrix or in this case, one's Eating Disorder.  Once Neo, the main character, takes the red pill, he sees the matrix for what it really is and there is no going back once he sees it. This is much like once a client connects to their healthy self and/or sees others who are recovered from their eating disorder (or those who have taken the Red Pill). 

Prior to treatment, I didn't even realize there were two selves. I just thought the eating disorder WAS me.  The first few weeks of treatment, I was actually insistent that the eating disorder was, "just me. That's just who I am. That's just how I I've always thought and will always think." That is because it was the lens from which I was operating for so long. I was in the matrix of my eating disorder, an ego driven state. In the words of Morpheus, "What is real? How do you define 'real'? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” Once I got treatment, there was an awareness, and from that awareness stemmed a choice. My brain was no longer hijacked and I could decide which lens I chose to look through, the lens of my ego or the lens of my soul. And although there was still an option to go back to my eating disorder, it wouldn't have been the same after Monte Nido.  If I was Neo, then Norah, my therapist, was Morpheus, Monte Nido was the rebirth room and Recovery was my Red Pill. 

There is so much in the movie that relates to the recovery process and the battle between eating disorder self vs. healthy self or ego vs. soul. The part in which Morpheus says, "I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it” reminds me of how the fight isn't between practitioner and client but between the healthy self and the eating disorder self.  As a coach, I can only offer an alternative to the suffering, trappings of the ego and the eating disorder. It will be up to the client to choose recovery or not. 

There was a quote by the door at Monte Nido. It was something to the effect of: if you don't take care of your body, where will your soul live?   So when I was watching the movie and heard, “The body cannot live without the mind," I connected yet another piece of the puzzle. It is not enough to get clients to connect to their soul and strengthen their healthy self, we have to help heal the mind and put the ego in its proper place. This is similar to what Carolyn Costin means when she talks about reintegration of the eating disorder self and the healthy self into one integrated self. The ego isn't inherently bad, but it needs to take its proper place and allow room to the soul. 

There is an exchange between Morpheus and Neo in which they refer to dodging bullets. Which reminds me of the time in recovery when I had to work so hard to combat the eating disorder urges. Morpheus tells Neo that one day he won't even have to dodge the bullets anymore.  And that is truly what it feels like to be fully recoverED.  It is so poignant. All the scenes where Morpheus is training Neo reminds me of all the work I did with my treatment team and how it prepared me for the real world outside of treatment.

Mainstream society places so much emphasis and value on the superficial and the majority of people follow suit without question or placing nearly as much attention on the state of their souls. And it isn't just those with eating disorders who are out of balance. "The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.”  

Luckily, as a coach, I don't need to treat the eating disorder or the ego as the enemy. It isn't that black and white, thank goodness. Rather, I get to be curious about how one's eating disorder and ego are signaling a desire for deeper meaning and purpose. Hopefully, that curiosity will build enough trust for the client's soul self to make an appearance so we can restore a healthy ego/soul balance. It isn't easy, but it is possible.  In the words of Morpheus, "You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.”  And just like Morpheus, I say to you, being recovered is possible.