5 Tips For Loved Ones

My other 4 will be geared to those with eating disorders. Thought it could be cool to have geared towards loved ones. 

It's hard to see a loved one struggling with an eating disorder. I talk to so many family members that feel hopeless and wishing that there was more they can do to help and support their loved one and be an extension of the coaching process at home. Here's a list of 5 ways you can support a loved on who is in recovery. 

Lead by example: if your loved one is having trouble with a particular meal/meals you may have to eat them with her/him and be willing to eat foods that aren't your first preference. 

Don't talk about weight, calories, bodies, etc.: Avoid talking about things that may be triggering to your loved one. Most (but not all) people understand that it's not helpful to make comments about their loved one's food, weight, body changes, etc. but they still make comments about their own as well as other's food, weight and body. Don't keep a scale in the house and even better yet, don't weigh yourself. 

HS/ED Self: Your loved one is facing a battle between 2 parts of herself, the eating disorder self and the healthy self.  In moments she is feeling stuck or wanting to engage in a behavior, it is important to remember that the battle isn't between you and your loved one but between her/his ED and HS. You want to focus on strengthening the healthy self rather than trying to eradicate the ED Self. Asking your loved one questions in the moment like: what would you say to your little sister, cousin, etc in moments she feels stuck is a tool to channel her healthy self without "telling/lecturing" her about what to do. 

Don't be attached to the results: this probably the hardest part, especially for a parent or spouse. It's easy to be SO excited when your loved one makes progress; however, if you are TOO excited then it will make him/her feel like they can NEVER falter again for fear of disappointing you. Even worse, they may feel like they can't be honest if they do slip up.  Conversely, when he/she isn't doing well, don't take it personally; It isn't about you. (So hard, I know.). Like I said earlier this isn't a battle between you and your child but between ED and HS. 

Recovery is cyclical not linear: oftentimes, recovery is 2 steps forward, 1 step back, 3 steps forward, 4 steps back. Hopefully, the overall trend is upward. But don't get discouraged by the "x steps back" portion of recovery. If it starts to feel like all steps back, it may mean that your loved one needs more support or a higher level of care. Don't be afraid to set boundaries if it means your loved one's safety and health. I.e. You can't participate in dance if you aren't getting your period. Or you can't have a credit card if you are going to use it to by food to binge and/or purge on. 

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just being there for your loved one is huge.  The fact that you are reading this page is a show of support in itself.  Good luck, and remember, recoverED is possible!!!