The Four-Fold Way: Simple Spiritual Principles

While in recovery from my own eating disorder, I was introduced to The Four-fold Way: Simple Spiritual Principles. The four principles are adapted from cultural anthropologists, Dr. Arrien. She studied tribal cultures and came up,with these principles she believes support spiritual awareness and social consciousness.  Think they are important to share with clients, just as my mentor shared with me because they are principles that transcend eating disorder recovery and are meaningful for ANYONE. They are: show up, pay attention, tell the truth (without judgement), and don't be attached to the results. Here's a description of each as well as a bit about how they were woven through my recovery. 

Show Up

Showing up isn't just about getting your physical body where you need or want to be but also about making sure that your mind and soul are there as well. It's also interesting to think about if you show up for yourself as well as others. And when you do show up are you fully present or do you find yourself going other places in your head? 

When I was in my eating disorder, showing up was so difficult for me.  I had so much anxiety and fear that it was easier to isolate than it was to show up. When I DID show up, it's not like my mind or soul was present. It was just my body that managed to get there. 

Pay Attention

Paying attention is a natural progression from showing up. It connects to what I mentioned in the first principle. Assuming that you show up, what are you paying attention to once you are there?  And when there isn't somewhere you have to physically be, what do you find yourself paying attention to throughout your day? Is your attention on the shape of your body or the state of your soul? 

For me, when I was in my eating disorder, my entire focus was on calories--obsessing, adding, subtracting and negotiating. I spent so much time micromanaging what went into my body that I wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me or what I was feeling. It's amazing that I even passed any of my classes in college or had any interpersonal relationships. It wasn't until my body was SCREAMING at me that I began to pay attention to the areas I was neglecting and it took a lot of support to do so. 

Tell the Truth without Judgement 

I equate this principle with being vulnerable. So you have shown up, you are paying attention, but are you participating in an authentic and honest way? Are you being vulnerable enough to open up from a soul place and share with others?  I use phrases like, "from a soul place" and "being vulnerable" because telling the truth often gets misconstrued with being blunt and sharing judgements unapologetically. It's one thing to say, "you're an asshole. See, there's my truth!" It's a whole other thing to say, "it really hurts me and makes me angry when you criticize me for leaving our apartment a mess!" (Just an example). 

Telling the truth without judgement was a challenge for me in early recovery. I was so fearful of confronting people because I was afraid they wouldn't like me if I said anything less than positive. Maybe this was a projection of my own fear of criticism and rejection. Luckily, as I ate, it became IMPOSSIBLE for me to ignore feelings that were coming up.  Any interactions that bothered me registered in my gut IMMEDIATELY. Early recovery and the relationships I formed through treatment served as such an invaluable forum for practicing this principle. 

Now that I am recovered, I'm fully authentic in relationships and tell the truth without judgment as part of my nature. Sometimes with people I'm closest to the "without judgement" part can be a bit tricky (its easy to revert to an ego state with those we are closest to because they can be the most "triggering" and there isn't the immediate threat of losing that relationship) but I don't have to work at it like I used to. Kind of like how I eat consciously and intuitively, I can consciously tell the truth. 

Don't be attached to the results

Some people think this means that you don't care what happens. This is not true. It just means that you don't let outcomes outside of your control eat you alive. It's perfectly normal and healthy to have an emotional response to a result (break-up, test score, college acceptance, job opportunity, etc.) but it is important not to let the result define you. You make think about how hard this can be for when things don't go your way, but also think about the converse. When thing DO go your way it's important not to become attached to that either. That is when relationships, jobs, wins, achievements, money, etc start to become the way in which one defines oneself. That can also be a path to doom. Any of these outside factors can change at any time. What's important and defining is the person you are, not the results of any circumstance. 

Even though I am recovered, this principle can still trip me up. I often experience anxiety over anything that is outside of my control and so I find myself using, "don't be attached to the results," as a mantra I repeat to myself. The only thing I have control over is putting my best foot forward and keeping my side of the street clean. I can't control what others do, the decisions they make, or how they respond to me. I do find, however, when I keep the focus on me and what I CAN control, I have less anxiety overall. And when things don't go my way, I accept it by asking myself: how much time and energy am I going to allow this to take from me? This usually helps the feeling to pass more quickly and allows me to move on to something that is a better use of my time and energy. 

I hope you found this interesting and helpful. Ask yourself, "which of these is hardest for me? Why?"  I find it helpful to keep checking in with myself about which is easiest/hardest depending on the situation that arises. We are ever evolving and changing beings, so it's good to leave space for growth and development. Good luck and remember, being recovered is possible.