RECOVERED IS POSSIBLE
It's hard to see a loved one struggling with an eating disorder. I talk to so many family members that feel hopeless and wish that there was more that they could do to help and support their loved one. Here's a list of five ways you can support a loved on who is in recovery.
Lead by example.
If your loved one is having trouble with a particular meal/meals you may have to eat them with her/him and be willing to eat foods that aren't your first preference.
Don't talk about weight, calories, or bodies.
Avoid talking about things that may be triggering to your loved one. Most (but not all) people understand that it's not helpful to make comments about their loved one's food, weight, body changes, but they still make these types of comments about themselves and others. Don't keep a scale in the house, and better yet, don't weigh yourself.
Healthy Self and Eating Disorder Self.
Your loved one is facing a battle between two parts of herself, the eating disorder self (ED) and the healthy self (HS). In the moments she is feeling stuck or wanting to engage in a behavior, it is important to remember that the battle isn't between you and your loved one but between her ED and HS. You want to focus on strengthening the HS rather than trying to eradicate the ED Self. Instead of telling your loved one what to do, or "lecturing" her, ask your loved one questions like: "What would you say to your little sister, cousin, or friend?" These kinds of questions help her to channel her healthy self.
Don't be attached to the results
This probably is the hardest part, especially for a parent or spouse. It's easy to be excited when your loved one makes makes progress; however, if you are TOO excited then it may make him feel like he can never falter again for fear of disappointing you. Even worse, he may feel like he can't be honest if he does slip up. Conversely, when he isn't doing well, don't take it personally--it isn't about you. (So hard, I know). To reiterate, this isn't a battle between you and your child but between the ED and HS.
Recovery is cyclical not linear
Oftentimes, recovery is two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, four steps back. Don't get discouraged by the steps back. However, if it starts to feel like all steps back, it may mean that your loved one needs more support or a higher level of care. Don't be afraid to set boundaries for the sake of your loved one's safety and health. You might say something like, "You can't participate in dance if you aren't getting your period," or, "you can't have a credit card if you are going to use it to by food to binge."
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just being there for your loved one is huge. The fact that you are reading this page is a show of support in itself. Good luck, and remember, being recovered is possible!!!